The "Chaconne" chapter offers, in part, an alternative to the "five stages of grief " as a model for how we come to terms with loss.
In your own experience of grief, does it tend to take the form of a linear progression ("stages") or, as the author says, of "iterative, circular variations, different feelings and memories buried within one another"? Why or why not?
4. Does your experience of grief feel more linear or circular, like Hodges describes?
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Our program is here to foster an inclusive, welcoming environment for all readers. To keep our community respectful and engaging, please follow these guidelines:
• Be kind and considerate to others.
• Stay on topic, keep discussions constructive, and use appropriate language.
• Trolling, spamming, harassment, or hate speech will not be tolerated.
• Share only original, non-copyrighted material and appropriate content.
• Do not post or share personal details about yourself or others, including real names, addresses, or any other identifying information.
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• Moderators reserve the right to remove content or suspend users who violate these guidelines.
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• Report issues instead of escalating, and respect moderator decisions.
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smkelly
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lanlynk
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Re: 4. Does your experience of grief feel more linear or circular, like Hodges describes?
I've experienced some of the traditional stages of grief, but not strictly in a linear fashion. My grief seems to appear in more circular ways. I've accepted the loss of loved ones, but grief still rises up now and then, sometimes when I least expect it.
For example, once when a new friend asked about my family, I suddenly broke into tears as I told her my mom had died seven years before. I can't even point to anything triggering that sharp emotion. I also still dream about my sister, who passed away in 2012. I dream that I'm searching for her and can't find her anywhere.
So, the author's comparison of feelings to phrasing in a musical composition makes sense to me. The repeated phrase is felt and recognizable within its musical variations. Likewise, grief--really any emotion--is felt by each of us despite the differences in our personal experiences.
For example, once when a new friend asked about my family, I suddenly broke into tears as I told her my mom had died seven years before. I can't even point to anything triggering that sharp emotion. I also still dream about my sister, who passed away in 2012. I dream that I'm searching for her and can't find her anywhere.
So, the author's comparison of feelings to phrasing in a musical composition makes sense to me. The repeated phrase is felt and recognizable within its musical variations. Likewise, grief--really any emotion--is felt by each of us despite the differences in our personal experiences.
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Dee
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Fri May 16, 2025 8:24 pm
Re: 4. Does your experience of grief feel more linear or circular, like Hodges describes?
When I was younger grief was linear, or it seemed to be. I only recently realized it is circular for me. My maternal grandpa died in early 2002, and about 4 or 5 years ago I was on a Girl Scout trip with my daughter and her troop to the City my grandpa had lived in. As we were driving over a bridge towards his old neighborhood, I found myself shedding some tears, and was surprised at how fresh his death felt at that moment.
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Lise Khokhlakov
- Posts: 9
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Re: 4. Does your experience of grief feel more linear or circular, like Hodges describes?
Grief has never felt like a straight line to me. At times, it's more like a metronome, swinging back and forth between stages (denial, anger, bargaining) until I feel crazy from the repetition. Just when I think I've moved forward, something small drags me back, and I'm left wondering if I've made any progress at all.
There are moments when I feel fine, even peaceful, and then out of nowhere, like when I'm out and catch the scent of the Old Spice my dad used to wear (more rare these days, but it does happen), it all rushes back. It's like being in the middle of a song and suddenly hearing the first notes again, layered differently.
Hodge's musical metaphor rings true: grief phrases itself through us again and again, changing shape, volume, key. It doesn't ask permission.
I wonder what physical places or sensory experiences trigger a return to those early, raw emotions for others?
There are moments when I feel fine, even peaceful, and then out of nowhere, like when I'm out and catch the scent of the Old Spice my dad used to wear (more rare these days, but it does happen), it all rushes back. It's like being in the middle of a song and suddenly hearing the first notes again, layered differently.
Hodge's musical metaphor rings true: grief phrases itself through us again and again, changing shape, volume, key. It doesn't ask permission.
I wonder what physical places or sensory experiences trigger a return to those early, raw emotions for others?
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Lise Khokhlakov
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2025 4:04 pm
Re: 4. Does your experience of grief feel more linear or circular, like Hodges describes?
lanlynk wrote:
> I've experienced some of the traditional stages of grief, but not strictly
> in a linear fashion. My grief seems to appear in more circular ways. I've
> accepted the loss of loved ones, but grief still rises up now and then,
> sometimes when I least expect it.
>
> For example, once when a new friend asked about my family, I suddenly broke
> into tears as I told her my mom had died seven years before. I can't even
> point to anything triggering that sharp emotion. I also still dream about
> my sister, who passed away in 2012. I dream that I'm searching for her and
> can't find her anywhere.
>
> So, the author's comparison of feelings to phrasing in a musical
> composition makes sense to me. The repeated phrase is felt and recognizable
> within its musical variations. Likewise, grief--really any emotion--is felt
> by each of us despite the differences in our personal experiences.
lanlynk-
Your dreams about your sister, searching but never finding, gave me chills! That image holds so much of what circular grief feels like: longing without closure, like returning to the same place and hoping it will be different this time. I also loved how you tied musical phrasing to emotional memory. Have dreams helped you process your grief, or do they tend to reopen it?
> I've experienced some of the traditional stages of grief, but not strictly
> in a linear fashion. My grief seems to appear in more circular ways. I've
> accepted the loss of loved ones, but grief still rises up now and then,
> sometimes when I least expect it.
>
> For example, once when a new friend asked about my family, I suddenly broke
> into tears as I told her my mom had died seven years before. I can't even
> point to anything triggering that sharp emotion. I also still dream about
> my sister, who passed away in 2012. I dream that I'm searching for her and
> can't find her anywhere.
>
> So, the author's comparison of feelings to phrasing in a musical
> composition makes sense to me. The repeated phrase is felt and recognizable
> within its musical variations. Likewise, grief--really any emotion--is felt
> by each of us despite the differences in our personal experiences.
lanlynk-
Your dreams about your sister, searching but never finding, gave me chills! That image holds so much of what circular grief feels like: longing without closure, like returning to the same place and hoping it will be different this time. I also loved how you tied musical phrasing to emotional memory. Have dreams helped you process your grief, or do they tend to reopen it?
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Lise Khokhlakov
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2025 4:04 pm
Re: 4. Does your experience of grief feel more linear or circular, like Hodges describes?
Dee wrote:
> When I was younger grief was linear, or it seemed to be. I only recently
> realized it is circular for me. My maternal grandpa died in early 2002, and
> about 4 or 5 years ago I was on a Girl Scout trip with my daughter and her
> troop to the City my grandpa had lived in. As we were driving over a bridge
> towards his old neighborhood, I found myself shedding some tears, and was
> surprised at how fresh his death felt at that moment.
Dee,
That bridge moment with your daughter's troop...it's incredible how places can act as both memory and mirror. I really felt your words about oscillating between stages. It made me wonder, do you think there's something in revisiting those "stuck" stages that's actually part of how we honor the people we've lost?
> When I was younger grief was linear, or it seemed to be. I only recently
> realized it is circular for me. My maternal grandpa died in early 2002, and
> about 4 or 5 years ago I was on a Girl Scout trip with my daughter and her
> troop to the City my grandpa had lived in. As we were driving over a bridge
> towards his old neighborhood, I found myself shedding some tears, and was
> surprised at how fresh his death felt at that moment.
Dee,
That bridge moment with your daughter's troop...it's incredible how places can act as both memory and mirror. I really felt your words about oscillating between stages. It made me wonder, do you think there's something in revisiting those "stuck" stages that's actually part of how we honor the people we've lost?
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lanlynk
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Tue May 20, 2025 5:12 am
Re: 4. Does your experience of grief feel more linear or circular, like Hodges describes?
Lise Khokhlakov wrote:
> lanlynk-
> Your dreams about your sister, searching but never finding, gave me chills! That image holds so much of what circular grief feels like: longing without closure, like returning to the same place and hoping it will be different this time. I also loved how you tied musical phrasing to emotional memory. >Have dreams helped you process your grief, or do they tend to reopen it?
Lise, thank you for commenting on my post. The dreams about my sister affect me differently at times. When I'm looking for my sister and can't find her, I often wake up upset. I suppose this could help me process grief by revealing to me that I still mourn her death. They're also dreams of loneliness, suggesting I need to connect with another person. In dreams where I'm actually interacting with my sister, I feel hopeful. In a metaphysical sense, it's possible that my sister still exists in another sphere or reality. I'm reminded that we know very little about the true nature of life--or death.
I just finished reading THE POMEGRANATE GATE by Ariel Kaplan. Part of the story centers on the ability of beings to communicate with each other by sharing a lucid dream. Always intriguing to explore the idea of dreaming as its own reality.
> lanlynk-
> Your dreams about your sister, searching but never finding, gave me chills! That image holds so much of what circular grief feels like: longing without closure, like returning to the same place and hoping it will be different this time. I also loved how you tied musical phrasing to emotional memory. >Have dreams helped you process your grief, or do they tend to reopen it?
Lise, thank you for commenting on my post. The dreams about my sister affect me differently at times. When I'm looking for my sister and can't find her, I often wake up upset. I suppose this could help me process grief by revealing to me that I still mourn her death. They're also dreams of loneliness, suggesting I need to connect with another person. In dreams where I'm actually interacting with my sister, I feel hopeful. In a metaphysical sense, it's possible that my sister still exists in another sphere or reality. I'm reminded that we know very little about the true nature of life--or death.
I just finished reading THE POMEGRANATE GATE by Ariel Kaplan. Part of the story centers on the ability of beings to communicate with each other by sharing a lucid dream. Always intriguing to explore the idea of dreaming as its own reality.
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Mher1
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Fri May 16, 2025 7:52 pm
Re: 4. Does your experience of grief feel more linear or circular, like Hodges describes?
Grief for me would be more circular, as Hodges describes. You may have gotten to the acceptance “phase,” but new information comes to light and suddenly you’re processing the whole situation over again. I don’t think there’s ever been a step by step/linear process for grief. Everyone goes through it so differently.