The author has a complex relationship with her beloved mother: "She gives, I take: that has always been the imbalanced equation of our relationship, its asymmetry and equilibrium."
Is this imbalance inherent in the mother/daughter relationship? Do you agree that there must always be a "frightening asymmetry at the heart of love"?
7. Do you think there’s always imbalance in mother-daughter love?
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Our program is here to foster an inclusive, welcoming environment for all readers. To keep our community respectful and engaging, please follow these guidelines:
• Be kind and considerate to others.
• Stay on topic, keep discussions constructive, and use appropriate language.
• Trolling, spamming, harassment, or hate speech will not be tolerated.
• Share only original, non-copyrighted material and appropriate content.
• Do not post or share personal details about yourself or others, including real names, addresses, or any other identifying information.
• Do not post anything illegal, threatening, or otherwise harmful.
• Moderators reserve the right to remove content or suspend users who violate these guidelines.
• Users are responsible for their own posts, and our platform is not liable for user-generated content.
• Report issues instead of escalating, and respect moderator decisions.
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smkelly
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2025 7:35 pm
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Lwri23
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Mon May 19, 2025 5:47 am
Re: 7. Do you think there’s always imbalance in mother-daughter love?
I’m surprised more people haven’t commented on this yet. Yes totally is my response. Interested what others think.
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schacpet
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri May 16, 2025 3:59 pm
Re: 7. Do you think there’s always imbalance in mother-daughter love?
Yes, a certain imbalance is often part of the mother-daughter relationship. The mother has more life experience and grew up in a different social reality than the daughter. These differences shape their perspectives and create a natural asymmetry.
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Jdgreen11
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue May 27, 2025 5:21 pm
Re: 7. Do you think there’s always imbalance in mother-daughter love?
The keyword in this discussion is: imbalance.
When I hear that word, I think it can apply to many different things. Such as: power, independence, social standing, etc.
For myself, I don’t see imbalance as being absolutely negative. As human beings, we do recognize that other people aren’t perfect reflections of all our needs, wants, and desires. The perfect lover doesn’t exist. The same applies to mothers too. There are bound to be inconsistencies, especially when seeking perfection.
When it comes to mother - daughter relationships, I do see age as being the biggest factor. The younger the daughter is, the more likely she hasn’t developed her ego or sense of self. Her understanding of the world is lacking, so she is heavily reliant on her mother’s actions, thinking, and support.
As the daughter grows up, she develops her own identity that comes from personal experience. And with time, she also gains her own independence. Drifting away from the mother’s control and footsteps.
For me, my mother’s influence makes a strong difference in my life. But as I am exposed to outside influences, I do reach a new level of development and perspective. Drifting further and further away from the girl my mother knew in my childhood and quickly becoming the result of whatever life throws at me.
When I hear that word, I think it can apply to many different things. Such as: power, independence, social standing, etc.
For myself, I don’t see imbalance as being absolutely negative. As human beings, we do recognize that other people aren’t perfect reflections of all our needs, wants, and desires. The perfect lover doesn’t exist. The same applies to mothers too. There are bound to be inconsistencies, especially when seeking perfection.
When it comes to mother - daughter relationships, I do see age as being the biggest factor. The younger the daughter is, the more likely she hasn’t developed her ego or sense of self. Her understanding of the world is lacking, so she is heavily reliant on her mother’s actions, thinking, and support.
As the daughter grows up, she develops her own identity that comes from personal experience. And with time, she also gains her own independence. Drifting away from the mother’s control and footsteps.
For me, my mother’s influence makes a strong difference in my life. But as I am exposed to outside influences, I do reach a new level of development and perspective. Drifting further and further away from the girl my mother knew in my childhood and quickly becoming the result of whatever life throws at me.
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erebus
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2025 5:03 am
Re: 7. Do you think there’s always imbalance in mother-daughter love?
> When it comes to mother - daughter relationships, I do see age as being the biggest factor.
I would tend to agree. I think it is interesting considering that this book is about the passage of time.
Each mother:daughter relationship is its own.
For some the role of mother is always of {giver, teacher and provider}. In some situations Mother considers herself in a professional performative role. She is Mother before she is a person in her own right, to give a child stability, an emotional rock, guidance, and support. Some people fully sacrifice themselves for parenthood and the needs of the child supplant their own. I was warned about this when I was a young mother (by my grandmother in law, and some of the family aunties).
I think in most situations, that extreme suppression of self for the needs of the child can be heightened by a society that considers mothers the primary carer of their child. Where we do not have communal responsibility for children in our ambit, there is often little support for mothers, especially mothers looking after a child (or children) without a co-parent.
In many rewarding relationships, the care for each other can come full circle, where a daughter cares for the mother in the frailty of age.
Whether any of this is "need", "choice", "expectation" etc. depends a lot on culture and environment.
Personally, my mother was someone who I was very close to. I trusted her and she reciprocated that trust. She died when my youngest child was a toddler, but I'm glad that she got to meet her grandchildren. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been.
I would tend to agree. I think it is interesting considering that this book is about the passage of time.
Each mother:daughter relationship is its own.
For some the role of mother is always of {giver, teacher and provider}. In some situations Mother considers herself in a professional performative role. She is Mother before she is a person in her own right, to give a child stability, an emotional rock, guidance, and support. Some people fully sacrifice themselves for parenthood and the needs of the child supplant their own. I was warned about this when I was a young mother (by my grandmother in law, and some of the family aunties).
I think in most situations, that extreme suppression of self for the needs of the child can be heightened by a society that considers mothers the primary carer of their child. Where we do not have communal responsibility for children in our ambit, there is often little support for mothers, especially mothers looking after a child (or children) without a co-parent.
In many rewarding relationships, the care for each other can come full circle, where a daughter cares for the mother in the frailty of age.
Whether any of this is "need", "choice", "expectation" etc. depends a lot on culture and environment.
Personally, my mother was someone who I was very close to. I trusted her and she reciprocated that trust. She died when my youngest child was a toddler, but I'm glad that she got to meet her grandchildren. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been.